Over the last decade, the world has gotten to know CHAEYOUNG as part of K-pop phenoms TWICE. With her first solo release, LIL FANTASY vol. 1, the K-pop star isn't just reintroducing herself — she's giving herself permission to show the world who she truly is.
"I didn't really get a lot of chances to be vulnerable in public. I used to be the kind of person who thought, Why speak those feelings out loud when it's not really necessary to talk about it?" CHAEYOUNG explains to GRAMMY.com. "However, while making this album, I dug into my personal stories and mustered up the courage to get personal. There were melodies that provoked my vulnerabilities to come out. I was really inclined to really dig into telling my personal story, and I'm just happy to get the chance to do so."
Lil Fantasy vol. 1 sees CHAEYOUNG confront the uncomfortable moments of her journey, taking an honest look at the dark emotions she's experienced and mistakes she's made along the way. Whether she's singing about feeling loneliness and self-hatred in "BF," leaning on a toxic ex in "BAND-AID," or reclaiming her independence on "SHADOW PUPPETS," CHAEYOUNG addresses heavy truths that are a direct contrast to TWICE's more upbeat aesthetic — but that makes the album all the more intimate.
The 10-track LP also displays the multifaceted versions of CHAEYOUNG's artistry; the rapid transition from stripped-down guitar ballads ("My Guitar") to songs filled with rock-inspired screams ("RIBBONS") shows she refuses to be defined by a singular sound. Ultimately, LIL FANTASY vol. 1 is proof that CHAEYOUNG found freedom in forging her own path forward musically.
Below, CHAEYOUNG details the influences that helped her develop her own unique sound and story with LIL FANTASY vol. 1 — and how she hopes the project will imbue a sense of collective healing.
Expressing Herself Through Artwork
The surreal, cartoon-like world of LIL FANTASY vol. 1 — which features bug-eyed characters and ghostly makeup — is a nod to her love for Tim Burton's gothic landscape. But when it came to creating the visuals that she dubs "cute, strange and a little bit awkward and scary all at the same time," CHAEYOUNG was mostly just using art as an outlet.
"Whenever I produce a lot of drawings, it's always when I'm going through hard times. I resorted to drawing as a method to empty my head space," she says. It's the reason why she included a pack of colored pencils with the physical copy of her album; fans are encouraged to use the colored pencils to draw on the album and participate in their own interpretation of her artistry.
"My drawings often include images of this world that I love," she adds. "There are animals and little dolls in a specific form that I created. As I drew more of this universe, this world got bigger. From that, music naturally came about."
Taking Creative Control
CHAEYOUNG began channeling her creative energy into art during her early days in TWICE. Along with helping her process difficult feelings, drawing was also her first step towards taking creative control in her own life — something she was adamant about while building the world around LIL FANTASY vol. 1.
In addition to providing some of the visuals for the album, CHAEYOUNG has arranging and writing credits on nearly every track, working closely with Tokyo indie-alt trio Gliiico to produce many of the songs. From the start, she dove into the album with a clear vision.
"Even before we had the lyrics, I decided on 'AVOCADO' as the pre-release song. I was very clear that this had to be the first track of my album," she says. In her eyes, the song — inspired by the tale of Adam and Eve — is the perfect encapsulation of the album as a whole. "I wanted to use the Adam and Eve analogy because this new universe is created within this album."
CHAEYOUNG decided to spin eating the forbidden "AVOCADO" into unlocking a colorful look into her inner world. Tiptoeing into temptation meant probing her unique, rebellious aspects — from her avant-garde fashion sense to her alternative drawings — and viewing them as admirable, rather than being than them being a punishable offense for perceived disobedience, like in the Biblical tale.
Her idea to swap the scriptural apple for an avocado was also further proof of her desire to think outside the box. "I didn't want to use an apple because it's so typical!" she asserts. "I chose avocado because the pronunciation was cute. And, it makes people curious — 'why avocado?'"
Celebrating The Love That's Carried Her Through
Introspection played an immense role in the creation of LIL FANTASY vol. 1. Before CHAEYOUNG began putting the album together, she admits that there were times when she "just wanted to quit everything" and asked herself: Am I on the right path?
Instead of pushing those feelings aside, CHAEYOUNG dug within herself to locate the source of those insecurities. Some of the key moments that sparked this insight came about from openly talking with her collaborators and producers for the LP about how she was feeling about that day or life in general.
In examining her life and pop stardom, her mind always came back to the people that remained constant through the ups and downs of her career. As a result, the stripped-down track "My Guitar" is a thank you to the people in her life that believed in her throughout it all.
"I wanted to talk about unconditional love. Unconditional love from fans and unconditional love from my mom," CHAEYOUNG explains of the song. "They are the people who love me no matter what I do, no matter what kind of person I am. Even in the days when my self-esteem is low and I hate myself — my mom and my fans love me."
Perhaps the most important detail about "My Guitar" is that it was the first song she wrote on her own for LIL FANTASY vol. 1. Initially recorded on her iPhone, the song started with CHAEYOUNG strumming on her guitar and playing simple melodies to inspire herself; not only did that serve as a catalyst for the track itself, but it also showed the singer/songwriter what she was capable of.
Leaning On Fellow Female Soloists
As CHAEYOUNG set out to depart from her bubblegum-pop roots, it was important for her to connect with other female artists she admires. She reached out to fellow South Korean soloists SUMIN and Jibin in the initial stages of LIL FANTASY vol. 1, — and in candidly discussing their experiences navigating the music industry, "RIBBONS" was born.
"The three of us talked a lot because we are three female solo artists. Female solo artists are not common in Korea. There aren't a lot," the singer-songwriter explains. "So when the three of us got together, we talked about this issue of diversity a ton."
The song starts off as a mellow R&B ballad, before transcending into a bass-thumping meld of heavy rock and EDM as the soloists boldly refuse the expectations put on women. Consequently, the song tackles being forced to maintain beauty rituals, refusing to compromise on one's identity and finding a community with other women. "My hair is frizzy/ Even if I try to hide my twisted face/ But I really don't need a plea," CHAEYOUNG boldly proclaims, while they all scream together, "My heart, no chain, no compromise!"
Along with "RIBBONS" being one of her favorite tracks on the album, working with SUMIN and Jibin gave CHAEYOUNG an outlet to ruminate on moments in career where she struggled — particularly, not having the physical and emotional space to create art for herself. In collaborating with the fellow soloists, she found a safe space. Naturally, the rest of the album followed suit in wringing out feelings she long buried in the back of her mind.
Giving Herself A Break, Literally & Figuratively
While the album played a large role in CHAEYOUNG's healing journey, perhaps the biggest contributor to her creative process was rest. As she explains, letting herself recharge for a few days and do nothing but listen to music and chat with her collaborators was the salve to overcoming abrasive thoughts of inadequacy, fear and diffidence during the album's early stages.
"Whenever those moments would strike me, I stopped working on my art," CHAEYOUNG recalls. "I let myself be. I gave myself a break, and then I would start again when I have the strength to do so."
The deceptively gleeful "SHADOW PUPPETS" came out of these low moments. As she details in the lively, yet eerie track, she used to hide from the noise of external judgement: "My mood changes every day/ I wondered why/ My thin, pretty face/ Keeps hiding."
"Even though my voice is soft and pretty in the recording, the melody naturally turned out quite sad," she reveals. "This was the only song that made me cry while recording."
Conversely, she transmutes those fatalistic thoughts into self-acceptance on "SHOOT (Firecracker)" because she's ready to truly step into her own. "Feel a void without the fire, ignite it," she sings. "Love is within, why are we still searching?/ Can we let go of the world so judging?/ Don't say goodbye, there's a new beginning."
Finding Strength In Weakness
As CHAEYOUNG released LIL FANTASY vol. 1 on Sept. 12, she felt at peace. By using this album as a way to reflect on negative thought patterns of the past, CHAEYOUNG was able to transform her dark moments into a navel-gazing masterpiece.
A perfect example of her transformation is "DOWNPOUR." On the haunting track, she examines how she used to allow people to treat her ("Kick me when I'm down/ I won't make a sound") before asserting that she no longer fears choosing herself: "A love you never needed/ I love you, now I'm leaving."
Regardless of how the album is received, she finds herself fulfilled knowing that LIL FANTASY vol. 1 was produced as a result of her healing journey — both personally and professionally.
"At this moment, [commercial success] really doesn't matter. I am very proud of what I made," CHAEYOUNG declares. "I know that this album [is] filled with songs that some people would like, and some that people would hate, but these are my babies and I love them. This is the album that made me grow as a person."