SiR admits that a good chunk of his past five years were a blur. Following the release of his last album, 2019’s Chasing Summer, the singer fell into a deep depression. To cope, he began to "self-medicate," which ultimately spiraled into addiction.
The Inglewood, California native isn’t the first artist under L.A. powerhouse label Top Dawg Entertainment (TDE) to struggle with mental and physical health. Isaiah Rashad, Ab-Soul and ScHoolboy Q have all experienced their own bouts with addiction and depression; however, all three have also found their way back to their art, releasing critically acclaimed come-back albums in the past few years. SiR is the latest example of Black male resilience amongst TDE artists.
On his new album, Heavy (out March 22), the 37-year-old singer documents his life’s ups and downs. The record is "as personal as I’ll ever get in my music," he says over Zoom from his home in Inglewood.
Sir Darryl Farris grew up in a musical family. His mother sang background for Chaka Khan and Michael Jackson back in the day, and urged SiR and his brothers — rapper D Smoke and fellow R&B singer Davion Farris — to sing in church every Sunday during their adolescence. While becoming a musician wasn’t an obvious career path, SiR rediscovered his passion in his early 20s and locked in.
The singer released his debut album, Seven Sundays, independently in 2015. He signed with TDE two years later and released the critically acclaimed November in 2018. Chasing Summer followed in 2019 and, together, the albums underscored him as a missing piece in the neo-soul/R&B landscape. Songs like "D’Evils," "Something New" (feat. Etta Bond), "John Redcorn" and "Hair Down" (feat. former labelmate Kendrick Lamar) especially showcased SiR's soulful storytelling and overall vibe.
"My life experiences helped shape how I write songs," he told GRAMMY.com in 2019. "I appreciate my time away from music, but also I'm glad I found my way back because I don't know what I'd be if I wasn't a musician."
This time around, SiR found his way back to music in a more transformative way. Shortly after revealing his addiction to his wife in 2021, he checked into rehab and began the process of getting clean. Despite relapsing twice in 2022, as of writing this, SiR is a year and three months sober. He still dabbles with marijuana but is on a new path forward — forgiving himself along the way. "Finding sobriety, in my opinion, means finding your own version of it. I’m healthy and that’s what matters," he shares.
SiR recently earned his first two GRAMMY nominations at this year’s ceremony; Best R&B Song and Best R&B Performance for his collaboration with Alex Isley and Robert Glasper on the latter’s "Back to Love." SiR spoke to GRAMMY.com about creating his new album, overcoming his vices and how he leaned on his support system, including his labelmates, to carve a new path forward.
I was told that you struggled with an addiction in between releasing 2019’s Chasing Summer and now. Walk me through the ups and downs of your last five years.
I try not to go into detail as far as naming what I was actually going through because I don’t give my [drug of choice] power, and that’s just my personal thing. But I was a full-blown addict, and it started from a string of depression [and] relationship issues and issues at home that I wasn’t dealing with. Living one way when I’m actually built a different way. I started to self-medicate, let’s call it that, and it became an issue right around Chasing Summer and a full-blown problem heading into 2020, right before COVID.
At the time, my wife was pregnant and it was too much [for me] to handle so I reached out for help [and] I had a strong support system around me. It took about a year, year and a half before I actually figured it out. But as of right now… I’m back at home with my family, and through all of this, I was creating. I love what I do and it’s part of how I pay my bills, so I tried to stay as busy as possible. By 2022, I was looking at the [track]list that I was accruing as I was trying to get sober, and noticed a throughline of my personal life struggles on wax.
I did a great job of diving deep, as far as my own personal issues. I kinda did that [by] accident this time around and after about a year of changing the playlist — taking songs off, putting new songs on — we finally got to a place where we fell in love and started doing all the work towards preparing to release the album.
At what point were you like OK, I need to get it together?
I couldn’t really hide the fact that I was sick at a certain point. My wife couldn't tell what it was. She thought I was sick, like, physically. I would wake up throwing up, it was an ongoing thing for a few weeks when I was at the worst. It just got to a point where it wasn’t a secret to anybody else.
Tough questions came out and I was ready to talk about it, I just didn’t know how. It’s such an embarrassing thing for a lot of people, you know? Once the cat was out of the bag, it was a lot easier for me to accept help and really try to work through what I needed to work through.
When did you go to rehab?
The first time? [Laughs.] I was there for 21 days [in 2021]. [The] second time, I was there for two months and the third time wasn’t technically rehab; we took my phone [and] keys and put them in a locked room type situation. I did personal therapy, and, man, [that] did wonders. There’s that stigma that our community has on therapy and I would’ve never done something like that if I was in any other position, so I’m thankful for my issues because they led me to a lot of self-reflection and forgiveness.
I think the only reason why I was sick for so long is because I wasn’t able to forgive myself for all of the mistakes that I had made and I wasn’t addressing the real issue, which was my depression. Once those things worked themselves out, it was all light from there and we were heading forward. [But] once an addict, always an addict — I had slip-ups. I was committed to being sober but I had two relapses that kinda set me back in 2022. I had a great 2023, started this year off strong, ended 2023 off strong with music and [I] wanna keep that going.
I tell people all the time, I’m so sick of talking about this. We had to shoot a documentary the last couple of days and I had to fake doing drugs and fake getting drunk for the visual, and it’s very beautiful and artistic, [but] that kind of stuff has been uncomfortable. Even this conversation. It’s not uncomfortable for me, but it’s tough because I have to be honest and it’s important for me to tell my side of the story.
I understand it’s tough and I appreciate you opening up about this. How did you find the strength to create through these low points?
The playlist that we have was pretty much done [at] the end of 2022 when we dropped "Nothing Even Matters." We were ready to go but I wasn’t sober. One thing about [TDE CEO Anthony "Top Dawg" Tiffith] is he protects people. He doesn’t care about when things happen as far as the music industry, he knows we’re gifted beyond the situations that we be in. He wants to make sure that he protects us as people so that our careers are built around longevity — and he won’t let me drop nothing unless it’s ready.
And I’m glad that last mess up happened because it gave us time to really, really decide to put the right stuff on this playlist, and I had another six months to just chisel down. I added two songs back in that weren’t gonna be on the project. "Only Human" is an eight-year-old song, but it wasn’t going to be on there. "Tryin’ My Hardest" wasn’t gonna be on there but I put them back on and I changed the playlist up, got a couple extra features and I’m glad it worked out.
How have you leaned on your labelmates through your low points and what were those conversations like?
The conversations are always love because the situations are very similar. Circumstances are different but the solution was all the same. We were all going to our own different vices, but I talked to Ab-Soul a lot and leaned on him to get my mind right. When I was going through what I was going through, it was the same time he was going through what he was going through, and I didn’t know it.
We started talking candidly about our experiences, which helps while you’re in the addiction, and it became a normal thing. Eventually, we both got to a point where we were healthy-minded and the conversation shifted. We don’t talk about that kind of stuff anymore but he was instrumental in pulling my mind away from the worst of it.
Same with Zay [Isaiah Rashad]. Me and Zay was watching each other struggle. [Laughs.] It’s beautiful to see somebody win but it’s even more beautiful to see your brother make it back. Even [ScHoolboy] Q, whenever I seen him, it was all love. I was showing up places messed up and they always showed me the same respect and that went a long way.
Was collabing with Isaiah and Ab-Soul intentional, then?
Yes and no. I’m a fan of their music and everybody knows I’m a huge Ab-Soul fan, but these were the songs that were created in the turmoil and they fit for everyone. It was easy for us to write these things, especially "Karma" where me and Zay both were in the midst of the worst, and "I’m Not Perfect" was easy for Soul to gravitate towards because of the message, he understood it.
That’s the beautiful thing about TDE, we all know what each other [is] capable of. Looking back, I think we’re blessed to have been in similar circumstances at the same time because the music wouldn’t sound the same if it was any other way.
What does the title Heavy mean to you?
This album is literally the most personal I’ll ever be. I don’t want to be in this kind of pain ever again. It’s as personal as I’ll ever get in my music. When I hear the word "heavy" I think of pressure and weight. With this album, I feel like I was under so much pressure as I was writing the songs — all I could do was make diamonds. These songs are all their own little diamonds of my writing, they’re stories that come from me, they’re born from my mistakes.
It feels heavy. When I listen to the music, I feel the things I was going through weighing me down. When I perform it, it feels like I got on 300 pounds. This is four years coming. Five years since the [last] album but four years [that] I’ve been trying to get myself back to where I need to be to drop this. It’s the perfect title for what you’re hearing.
Why did you decide to drop "No Evil" and "Karma" as the first two singles?
Everything’s a team effort. We played the music until we were sick of it and whatever songs we were sick of the least, those were the ones that we wanted to work on.
"No Evil" kept surprising us. The more we played it, the more we were like, "This s— is undeniable." It has so many things going for it. If people [are] just really willing to listen to it, it might do something. With "Karma," that was like …let’s just give [the fans] something that’s straight down the middle.
Why the decision for the D’Angelo homage in the "No Evil" video? Was that to show off your fitness transformation?
I think it was more so [the latter] than D’Angelo. The shot was something the director suggested, but it was more so my big reveal. I’ve been working on myself and part of the thing that I was going through the most was my weight gain. I got up to 250lbs and nobody was really saying anything. [While I was] trying to get sober, I had a lot of time to figure out my dieting and that’s what really helped get me down to the weight I’m at now.
The ode to D’Angelo, I didn’t really see until we started editing the video. I’m on the [other] side of the camera so I had no idea that we were going that far. I’m like, Hell yeah. My shirt’s off, I’m buff as f– that’s all that mattered to me. [Laughs.] Anytime I can pay homage to anybody like D’Angelo that helped shape me as an artist, I won’t hesitate to.
"Ricky’s Song" also stands out to me because it sounds like you’re talking to someone. Walk me through the inspiration behind that.
I literally was talking to my nephew Ricky, that’s my n—. Ricky is 20 now. I wrote that right when he was going into his senior year. To me, it’s a Black love story, a love story that you don’t hear everyday. It’s my family and that’s how we take care of each other: through the lessons that we learn. On the song right before this, "Life Is Good," there’s an interlude where my dad tells a story about a robbery that he committed back in the day. He was telling us these stories because he wants us to know all the mistakes he’s made in his life so we don’t go through the same stuff. That’s where the line in "Ricky’s Song": "You learned from me, don’t wanna see you make the same mistakes," [comes from].
That’s why that song is so important to me and for other people to hear. It’s OK to love your family and nurture them. Me and Ricky’s relationship is so strong. That man is the coolest. [He’s] my workout partner, video game partner, we play "Call of Duty" all day together and we talk all the time, constantly encouraging and lifting each other up, giving each other advice from the other perspective because I’m 37 and he’s 20. I can learn so much more from him than he can learn from me in certain instances because he’s watching the world happening in his time, and I don’t see it like that and I never will, we’re in two different places. I definitely brush off on him and vice versa. He keeps me young.
What do you want listeners to take away from Heavy?
It’s OK to be vulnerable. We all go through things, it’s just about how you handle them, being honest about it with yourself and the people around you. I want people to see my humanity because a lot of times it feels like as artists, we’re put in these places and expectations are set for us and if we don’t abide by them, we can lose our whole career or we can get too lost in the image of what we’re supposed to be. I want people to see that I’m normal, I’m very human when you meet me. I’m regular and I love that part of my life. SiR is great but SiR is a job. It’s a career that can end, but my life is my life and I want people to recognize that it’s a blessing to get music from artists.
I want people that are going through similar situations to hear that I was crying for help in these instances and to know that it’s OK to ask for help. That’s the biggest thing with addiction and drug use: People are so embarrassed or ashamed that they won’t reach out to the person that wants to help them. For people that are watching someone go through this, take some of the pressure off yourself because…an addict will never get help until they choose to help themselves. So all you can do is support, give love and help in any way you can.